Devarim: Happy Goth Singapore!

 UHC 2.8.25

First things first – Maya I need to tell you that you were just fantastic this morning! Wow what a voice – you just blew us all away with your singing. You were awesome!

Secondly, I want to thank you and your family for inviting me to be with you today. And of course the whole UHC community, including your new rabbi, Amnon Ribak, who is here present this morning, for lending me his bimah, his pulpit, for your ceremony this morning. Rabbi Amnon – I wish you every success as you begin your time here in Singapore with the UHC, and I’m sure you will bring much joy and learning to this remarkable and unique community.

However Maya, there’s just one thing. You start to make me feel old! Why? Because you’re the first person who I’ve helped name and bless a child whose coming of age – bat mitzvah – I’ve then gone on to celebrate as well. It’s been ten years – a full decade – since we gathered in your home to welcome you as a child in the community; and now, flash forward until your bat mitzvah this morning, to welcome you as a fully-fledged adult.

It's wonderful, of course, but I must say it's a bit disconcerting, that’s all, getting older. I notice small changes in my mid-40s: like what are these white hairs that start to appear on my chin? Why is my eyesight not quite as sharp as it once was? On this point I was amazed yesterday to see how Singapore has become even more inclusive these days and welcoming of diversity, and in particular of the local goth community. Everywhere on the streets it says Happy Goth Singapore! Everywhere! I wondered where the festival would be, gothic rock music at the National Stadium, literature parties on Orchard Road, and horror films at Shaw, all black clothing and dark makeup, when all of a sudden the reality struck me. 60^th, Nathan, – not Goth, 60^th  – and it doesn’t seem more than yesterday that we celebrated the 50^th anniversary of this amazing country together.

The other thing I’ve noticed in Geneva as rabbi is that I start to be older than the wedding couples that I marry, that’s clear, but now also the dads of the bat mitzvahs. Well I’m grateful to Brad that that’s not the case here...!

Maya, your torah portion that you chanted so beautifully and compellingly this morning is Devarim, and as you explained to us these Devarim, these words, open the book of Deuteronomy and recount Moses’ final speeches to the Israelites as they come to the end of their forty years in the desert together.

The fact that the Torah spends a full book of five – a full twenty percent – telling stories about events helps us to understand the importance of story-telling, of narrative and the impact – the real impact – that stories have on our lives and how we see ourselves.

We all tell stories about ourselves, often without realizing we’re doing so. How we frame those stories can profoundly shape our lives.

We can say – “oh it’s just a story”, or “it’s not real, it’s just someone’s narrative” but changing our story can really change our whole lives.

Our memories work in strange ways, but perhaps for very good reason. We are not able to hold on to every single thing that’s happened to us. Yet we have memories so that we can make sense of what's happening to us right now and anticipate what might happen next.

As the psychologist Jonathan Adler put it in memorable fashion, “if you walk by a cave and a bear jumps out, you don't necessarily need to remember that cave and that bear, but you need to remember that dangerous things might hide in dark places. So the slippery, reconstructive nature of memory is a feature of the system.”

Maya, I hope you never walk by a cave and a bear jumps out, and if you do, I hope you get to remember it. But I’m sure you get the idea. You mentioned how you don’t always remember the stories that your parents tell you. I’m sure you also don’t remember all the Torah discussions and Mitzvot that we have studied together either. But I hope, we all hope, and joking apart, we know, that something has gone in one ear and not immediately gone out the other. You’ll figure out yourself whether its bears or caves that are the real danger, and whether it’s an example to take literally or metaphorically.

But the way we tell the story is also important. And here there’s a difference between stories of redemption that start badly and end well, and stories of contamination, that start well and end badly. Riddle me now, which would you rather? I think for most of us there’s a strong preference for a happy ending.

Scientists have posited that there may even be biological consequences of our stories, as well as psychological ones. Those suffering from addiction who manage to guard a positive narrative about themselves have better chances of recovery. Parents of sick kids who focus on the positives see fewer physical signs of aging. It’s remarkable that how we think about things can have very real effects on our lives. Stories and how we tell them have immense power.

We see this in the world around us, including today in the battle for the narrative that Israelis have taken to call the eighth front in the media today. But let’s not stray into politics on this happy morning.

Maya do you think that Moses has framed his words in Devarim in a redemptive or contaminated story? When he’s chastising the Israelites, and reminding them of how they behaved until now in the desert, going over their errors and their foibles, how is this story going to end? Does Moses do it to punish them for their misdemeanours of their past, or rather to warn them about their future? And is their ending going to be a happy one? After all, Deuteronomic history which Moses begins now but which continues into the books of Joshua, Judges, Samuel and Kings is not altogether a happy one.

Rather it helps to explain why the land was lost and the people was exiled, planting idolatry and misbehaviour left right and centre as a primary cause. Where is the happy ending in that? Your Haftarah, that you’ve just read for us, so chillingly reminds us of the period of the destruction of the First Temple. In the opening chapter of the book of Isaiah, in God’s name the prophet rebukes the people for upholding the letter of the law and disregarding its spirit. For offering sacrifices and celebrating festivals whilst doing evil in their deeds. Beautiful poetry but the subject matter is rather bleak.

And yet, and yet… the rabbis teach us that despite everything, redemption is at hand. That the story of the Jewish people, this is a story with a happy ending. We may have a long and dark history, but that things will turn out ok in the end. A life – even Moses’ life - may be finite, but that we are all part of something and play our part in something that is bigger than each one of us. The year does not finish with Tisha b’Av, annual the day of mourning that begins tonight. But rather there is a redemptive arc, some crumbs and a bowl of comfort that will surely follow, as day follows night.

As a Jewish reading practice we never like to finish a reading, be it Torah or Haftarah, on a bum note. Rather we aim to end on something positive, a nechamta, a little comfort and consolation. It’s not just wishful thinking, at least I don’t think so, but a dedicated reading practice embedded in the deep wisdom that changing our stories can change our lives. That even the darkest cloud – and we live these days in dark clouds – has a silver lining, and that this too will pass.

I start telling the old joke about the definition of the Jewish optimist. I don’t think I’ve told it yet here, so forgive me this one.

A Jewish pessimist says, "Things are as bad as they can be."

A Jewish optimist says "Things can always get worse!"

You know things are bad when the rabbis are rolling this one out – and yet, there’s wisdom here too.

But Maya, enough already. There are no bears in Singapore, I’m not even sure if there are any caves. Things can always get worse, but luckily things will also get better. Enjoy the next decade and I look forward to celebrating your chuppah – who knows? Take your time! That would certainly make me feel old! You have wonderful and dedicated parents in Selena and Brad, who do their utmost for both you and your brother, Ryan. We shouldn’t forget to celebrate his successful completion of his service in the Singaporean army. Mazal tov, Ryan – to all of you. But today is your day, Maya – mazal tov to you on successfully completing your  childhood, and doing it with such a triumphal flourish. Mazal tov to you all – and shabbat shalom!